How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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