Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize