think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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