i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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