imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
it's like iHOP with fire
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
