How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Small penises have feelings too.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
