That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
