the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
