If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
