yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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