So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
