You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
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Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
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Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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