The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
