You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
