I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Randomize
