How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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