Sry I called you an 8
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
