its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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