I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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