I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize