what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
How naked do you want me to be?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
