How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
