Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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