It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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