Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
