I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
