Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
It was confusing and full of hummus
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
