Sponge bath it is.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
