if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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