I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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