Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
