if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
