so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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