somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
