I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
