Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
