why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
