you have to choose: penises or morals?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Randomize
