Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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