I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
