the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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