What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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