I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
