i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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