she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
