it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
