i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
