you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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