Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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