Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
