and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
My penis needs a shock collar
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
