meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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