why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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