You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
