I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
