does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
50% drunk capacity currently
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
