Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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