I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
