Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
