someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
