Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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