So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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