I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I checked into jail on foursquare
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
