After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
